On my recent trip to the mountains of Morocco I felt sick and run down from the moment my plane landed in Africa.
By the third night I thought I might have to cancel my trip and return back to beautiful downtown Ho-Broken and get healthy when a miracle occurred.
After waking up in my tent up in the northern hills, I looked in the mirror and to my horror a giant spider was sitting on top of my head.
I ran screaming out to the camp and my guide Tongo grabbed the creature and tried to remove it, terrified of spiders. Apparently, the spider had lodged his fangs into my skull and was not going anywhere.
I was told I would have to wait till we got back to town and have it surgically removed when all of a sudden I realized something phenomenal. Not only was I no longer ill, but I felt like a teenager again. My vision was perfect and I felt more powerful than I had felt since training at Pumping Iron Gym.
Later that day I learned through local tribesmen that the venom in these rare spiders are use to cure the sick and give superhuman vitality to even the frailest person.
I decided to keep my new friend just where it was and since my return I have been a Wonder Woman at the gym. A real live amazon women!
I can bench three times what I used to and my endurance is legendary. Bodybuilders everywhere will want their very own GNAF Spider. I can help get you one.
Next time you see me don't be alarmed. Yes, it is a spider and I know it's there.